Today, I finally managed to get my hands on a full set of keys at work. For the past few months, we’ve been so slammed we haven’t had the time to sit down and sort through who has what keys and who needs copies made. Since I arrived in August, I’ve had keys to really random things, like a laundry room, the building where we house volunteers (or for now, a homeless woman) and a community center that I don’t need access to. Essentially, I had a set of keys I very rarely used, and between the five of us that work there, there wasn’t one of us who had a full set.
In thinking about my new sense of access to all things Sembrando Flores, it occurred to me that I’ve been playing this game with God my entire life. I heard a sermon years ago about how our lives are like a house, and we often let God into the kitchen and maybe the living room, but still keep certain rooms for ourselves, as if to say “you can have these parts of my life, but this other stuff, I’m good, I got this.” Even though I have found myself at points of complete and utter surrender over the years, I’ve also realized how easy it’s become to compartmentalize my life and secure a death grip on the keys to the most crucial areas of my life. I’ve been giving God the keys to the buildings that aren’t as relevant to His work. While I truly believe that God deserves full access to all the rooms in my house, or complete surrender in all aspects of my life, actually letting Him in and trusting Him with full abandon absolutely terrifies my inner control freak.
My boss allowing me the freedom to organize and duplicate all of the master keys after only having known me for two months, couldn’t be more of an expression of trust. She knows me well enough to believe in the hope that I will honor this privilege with the integrity it warrants. It should be so much easier with God, because He’s not broken and corrupt. God doesn’t abuse or misuse His access in our lives, but rather only multiplies the good. As believers, why is it so difficult to trust the only one who would never do anything to hurt us? What have we got to lose?